Leaning into Uncertainty….


I have used these two words on so many occasions in my 68 years, usually when I am going through a challenging situation and feel it would be a good idea to let go and trust the Universe, to have F.A.I.T.H. (Fearless Attitude in Thy Heart) that all is happening as it should, in Divine Order. Lately, I am wondering if this is the best course of action since my life has seemingly gone off the rails! I don’t even recognize who I am anymore, especially when I look in the mirror!  Is it really possible that all is actually taking place in Divine Order? Is it happening in the right timing, in the right place, and for the right reasons? I have always believed that adage, but now I am beginning to question everything. I begin to wonder where the heck my Angels are, have they gone on hiatus? Up until now I have always felt protected and confident that things would work out as they should. Now I am in a state of mind that resides in a mindset of constant skepticism, which is opposite of my usual daily optimistic nature. I feel as if I am totally out of my comfort zone. As a matter of fact, for the past five months, I have forgotten what it feels like to be in my so-called comfort zone! I really hope one day I can recreate that feeling, since it is where most of us, including me, like to reside. Yes, sometimes it is necessary to take risks, make changes, and temporarily get out of our cocoons, and comfort zones for growth and accomplishment of challenges that we hopefully can overcome. But we are often happiest when we can get back to our comfort zone and feel a sense of normalcy once again!  

That word, normalcy has not been used a lot lately, since we have been living with uncertainty since March of 2020. It continues to haunt us, the damn pandemic, unfortunately it has not disappeared yet as we had hoped it would a few months ago. It looks like there will finally be new rules enacted to enforce most of society to get the vaccinations, since this is after all a public health crisis. It has been so politicized, and now those that did the right thing by getting vaccinated when it was their turn, are now looking at the selfish portion of society ruining the possibility for herd immunity to eradicate this virus once and for all. Before we all have to go back into lock down, and the economy free falls again, let’s make these new rules mandatory with big penalties if not followed precisely. 

I got a bit sidetracked with my own personal reasons for writing this blog, but the annoyance with the segment of our population that doesn’t have the intelligence or compassion to do the right thing makes me go off the deep end. I have zero patience for anyone or anything these days!  My life has been in turmoil, I can’t seem to feel grounded, and I continue to feel abused by everything and everyone who I come into contact with on a daily basis. I have bombarded myself with listening to healing videos, uplifting podcasts, reading inspirational books and quotes, saying positive affirmations, writing in my gratitude journal and still I can’t seem to find myself, my me anymore. The sadness is overwhelming at times, and it morphs into deep pain and sorrow in my soul. I looked up the word SORROW, and am not surprised by all the synonyms that come up for the word. I also looked up the antonyms and liked those words much better! For now, I am living amongst the multitude of words that define sorrow, but I hope soon I will be able to turn the page into antonyms. I need to start a new chapter as soon as I finish this grieving process. I have to feel what I’m feeling, that seems like the only way to move forward. I don’t want to be sad and angry anymore. I need to find forgiveness in my heart and soul for those that have done me wrong, who have caused me to be in this horrible predicament, and that, and those who continue to abuse me to the core on a daily basis.  

SORROW Definition

a feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others. Mental suffering caused by loss, disappointment, etc.; sadness, grief, or regret. 

SORROW Synonyms: 

sadness, unhappiness, dejection, regret, depression, misery, cheerlessness, downheartedness, despondency, despair, desolation, wretchedness, glumness, gloom, gloominess, heaviness of heart, dolefulness, melancholy, low spirits, mournfulness, woe, broken-heartedness, heartache, grief. 

SORROW Antonyms: 

advantage, benefit, blessing, cheer, comfort, gladness, happiness, health, joy, joyfulness, pleasure, satisfaction, aid, good fortune, help, hopefulness, miracle, peace, gratefulness.

I am waiting for the miracles to come, the new beginnings, the new chapters, so I can put this sorrowful one behind me forever. All I can do is my personal best, leaning into the uncertainty of life, one day at a time, one step at a time. Before I know it my destiny will reveal itself, all in Divine Order, I just have to have F.A.I.T.H – Fearless Attitude in Thy Heart. 

Lean Into Uncertainty

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